Post-IVF - Thoughts and emotions

At the start of this IVF journey, I kept thinking about how low and depressed I will feel if the cycle did not work. All the time, money and energy spent. All the daily injections, ultrasounds and hospital visits. The expectations and the hurdles every step of the way. Surprisingly, I did not expect myself to come out of this a happier person! I am so glad I went through this IVF treatment because I was so depressed everyday and every month before the treatment. I am now happy and calm, not angry and living everyday with joy and laughter. I don't cry anymore before I sleep and whenever I think of my niece and nephews. I don't cry anymore when I see my friends' facebook updates on their pregnancy or their newborns. I take it in my stride now to hear good news of friends' or friends of friends' pregnancies. Even watching dramas on tv make me laugh and not cry. Thanks to the decision to undergo IVF, my depression is gone! I haven't felt like this in years and it feels so rejuvenating! I didn't realize I have been depressed for so long! Now the gloom has lifted and it feels like a brand new me! I am so glad I made the trip to Taipei!

I realized that what we need and what we desire can be two different things. Getting pregnant had become an obsession. We 21st century women are so used to being in control and getting what we want. So far in life, as long as we work hard for it, nothing has been unachieveable. However getting pregnant doesn't work that way. Even if we work hard for it, we may not achieve pregnancy hence getting pregnant becomes an obsession. True we all want to start a family however it is not absolute - meaning we can still be happy even if we don't have kids. Life doesn't have to stop and standstill for us if we have trouble getting pregnant. To let our whole mind revolve around this "want" is torturing ourselves! We don't need this depression! We can be happy with or without kids. The key is enjoying the journey and if we tried our best, there should be no regrets!

For me, this is the best time of my life so far. I don't need to work and can sleep in all I want, do the things that make me/us happy. My husband has been supportive all the way. Although he yearns for a baby but he is very rational and knows that this is not something that can be forced to happen and it is all up God Almighty. "At least we tried" is what he keeps reminding me and "No regrets because we tried already". My in-laws are also very supportive so no pressure there as well.

Life is too short to live in depression. Enjoy every moment of it (with or without kids)! We came into this world empty handed. We will leave empty handed. There is nothing in life that we can't absolutely live without. The breath of life is free. Other than that, food and water is in abundance in this present day world. Any one reading this right now would have access to the internet which means they are living the good life. There are so many people out there where reproduction is least of their worries and keeping the stomach full is top most priority. Feel content and be happy!The only person who is most capable of loving/destroying ourselves is our own selves! Love thyself as God loves you! If you are going through IVF, just enjoy the process - doesn't matter the outcome - love yourself and be good to yourself!

I love you and wish you all the best!