AF arrived 2 days ahead of schedule!

OoOopsie! AF arrived 2 days ahead of schedule this month. I have never had AF show her face early. This is something I will have to monitor for the next few months as a shortening luteal phase isn't very good. So no BFP this month :(

Dr. Lee had advised during the last consult that of all the frozen embryos only the 4BB and 3BB are good enough to be transferred back. He will not consider transferring back the 4CC and the EB (early blastocysts). I am curious to know why these embryos were frozen in the first place if they are not good enough to be used. Although the extra embryos don't incur extra cost for freezing however it will be nice to know. I just may ask him this question when I go back next spring/summer :)

So far the blues have lifted and I am busy doing some Christmas shopping for the kids. My favorite niece's birthday falls on Christmas eve so to be fair have to get her two gifts...the little girl will be so overjoyed!! Can't wait to see her beaming!! :)

The weather has turned a lot colder and hopefully we are going to have a white Christmas again!!

To all my readers - stay warm this season and God bless!!

Love,

Nio

Premenstrual spotting & feeling sad

Ughh~! Spotting again premenstrually!  I have a 14 day luteal phase and it's only 11DPO now! May be it's just how my body is.
Last Sunday, I attended my nephew's 1-year birthday party and all around me, the young ladies are pregnant!  I was happy for them but inside I was so much in pain! My sister's best friend had been trying for a baby for 2 years and is now 4 months pregnant with a boy. It sure wasn't easy for her to get pregnant but she did get pregnant naturally. All this week I felt down in the dumps, feeling sad for myself. Just today, I happened to watch a TVBS Cantonese drama of this lady who was had lost one of her legs and was having a tough time in life. The people with disabilities need so much courage to carry on living as even the activities of daily living are a challenge. I reminded myself that I need to be thankful for everything and cheer up as the best things in life are free! I happened to think of my mom who had undergone radiation and chemotherapy for cancer treatment and suffers everyday from the side effects of these treatments. She is a survivor! With infertility, at least it is not a life-death situation when the patients chooses to go for treatment or not. Dear Hubby also comforted me that whether or not we have kids is fine. We just need to try. If in the end it doesn't work out positively, we still have each other. Although it is not the first time he has said this but I felt really comforted.
Today I also received an email reply from one of my blog readers! Heavens only know how good I felt to be able to connect! If any of you have any query, please do not hesitate to send me an email at xiaonionio@gmail.com. I appreciate all emails and support.

Final Follicle Monitoring Sheet before Egg Retrieval

Hello again!

I referenced the follicle monitoring sheet on other blogs when I was undergoing IVF and thought I'd post my own too so my readers can also refer to it when the need arise. So TADA! here it is:

So far I am still alive and kicking and haven't lost hope yet! :)

Once again, Good Luck and Baby dust to all! :)

Mid-cycle spotting update - BaiFeng Wan supplement

Hi again,

Just wanted to quickly update that I did not experience any mid cycle spotting this month after taking the BaiFeng Wan TCM supplement. I am pretty pleased and comforted that at least my hormones are now in balance because every time I see blood streaks in my CM I feel sad. Hopefully, the premenstrual spotting will go away too this month! I will call this a magic supplement - hahaha!

~~Lots of baby dust to all!~~

Cervical/Abdominal Pressure (Update) - BaiFeng Wan supplement

Hello!

Phew! Thanks be to God! The heaviness/pressure in the cervix/abdomen has not returned ever since I took the BaiFeng Wan supplement. I still experienced premenstrual spotting however this time it was for a shorter duration. After much research, I think I may have kidney/spleen yang deficiency as per TCM (Traditional Chinese Medicine). Currently, I started BaiFeng Wan supplement on day 5 of cycle as the supplement should not be taken for the first 3 days of menstruation. I am taking it twice a day and will stop taking it on 6DPO. With yang deficiency, I experience cold hands and feet in winter. Now I am doing my best to keep myself warm and will start taking korean ginseng in moderation as well to nourish the "Qi". This is because the last time I tested positive for HCG, I was seeing a TCM practitioner who happened to mention that he had given me a lot of ginseng over the course of the treatment. At that time, I experienced colder hands and feet. I now remember that under his TCM treatment, my hands started getting warmer and only the feet were still cold so still a long way to go. TCM I found to be more expensive than IVF in the long run. For my last TCM treatment, I spent around NT$42,000 for 6 months herbal supplements. This is almost half the cost of my first IVF. Anyway, I think I am trying to be my own doctor now, trying to understand my body more and trying to create a good environment for the embryo to implant for a natural pregnancy or an FET pregnancy!

Wish me Luck! =)

Cervical/Abdominal Pressure

Good Day!

Yesterday I made avocado bean salad with baked jerk chicken. Turned out really good. I remember the last time I made jerk chicken with the jerk seasoning and it didn't turn out too well but ofcourse, this time I made a slight change by adding paprika. The result was an absolutely delicious dinner last night. The picture of my small accomplishment below. Today I made some French crepes for tea time however forgot to take a picture.

 

Sorry for the detour, now getting back to the title of this post - cervical/abdominal pressure. I have been experiencing abdominal/cervical pressure since June/July of this year right after I finished the traditional chinese medicine I brought back from Taipei from the earlier trip. I feel the pressure especially when I am standing. It gets better after I sleep however as soon as I stand up for few minutes, I start feeling the pressure again almost to the point where there is a dull pain. It's very bothersome and annoying. My research on the internet suggests incompetent cervix which scared me but usually one finds out when one is pregnant and this is not applicable for non-pregnant women. Anyway, I consulted my mom who made me chinese ginger chicken soup in rice wine. I took the soup and it seemed to go away only to return after a few days. I had some doubts about whether I will be able to maintain the pregnancy if I should get pregnant by IVF. Anyway, I still felt the pressure while I was undergoing IVF but I tried to rest as much as I can and it didn't bother me much as I didn't have to do much housework in Taipei.

After returning from Taipei, I started feeling the abdominal/cervical pressure again, to the extent that I was scared to breathe on a full stomach because it felt heavy like something was going to pop out. I wasn't sure if it was my uterus or my cervix! I was frustrated. My mom happened to ask me on the phone if I was still experiencing the pressure and I confirmed it with her. After a few days, my loving mother bought me over the counter chinese herbal supplement called "Baifeng Wan" (see picture below), translated into English as "White Phoenix Pill". She told me that when she got married her menses was irregular and she took this supplement too and got pregnant later. She said that maybe I was weak and hence the pressure and usually women who are weak in "Qi" (energy) take this. It is time tested formula and this knowledge has been handed down through the ages. I do remember seeing one of these empty pill containers at home when I was small.


Photo taken from http://www.tongrentang.com.au/list.asp?id=69&anid=141&nid=515

 

I was desperately looking for a cure for the cervical pressure hence I took the pills for 6 days, two times each day (morning & night), with warm water and yellow rice wine as per instructions. As this is a time tested supplement, I wasn't skeptical about taking it, besides my mother and older sister had also taken it before. Also internet research suggested no side effects.

 Amazingly, the cervical/abdominal pressure disappeared after the 1st day of taking it. Honestly, it's like magic! I get mid-cycle spotting and spotting before my period as well. As the pills also helps resolve irregular menses, let's hope it resolves the spotting issue as well! I took the supplement only for 6 days because pregnant women should not take it hence I stopped it at 6DPO. I am just so relieved as the cervical/abdominal pressure is now gone. I will only find out next cycle if the spotting issue is resolved as well i.e. if I do not get pregnant naturally :)  I will update as soon as I can. In the meantime, be happy and stay blessed!!

P.S. - A box of 10 capsule of pills costs about CA$10.00. These pills are available from any chinese herbal supplements store in Chinatown. Different stores carry different brands. I believe there are 2 or 3 other brands available. The store my mom went to only carried this brand -Tong Ren Tang.

Total cost of IVF in Taipei, Taiwan

Hello again!

I just wanted to summarize the total amount we spent on IVF at Mackay Memorial Hospital in Taipei, Taiwan.

Our total hospital cost comes to NT$107,247 which is approximately US$3,426  (based on today's FX: 1 NTD = 0.033 USD) or CA$3,937 (today's FX: 1 NTD = 0.04 CAD). Note: this does not include any travelling, food and accomodation costs).

The airfare cost CA$1,450*2 = CA$2,900.

Travelling by public transit is rather cheap when compared to Toronto (approximately 1/6th the cost of public transportation in Toronto). Taxi fares are rather cheap too (we had to take the taxi after ER and ET). We did not incur any accomodation costs as we stayed with DH parents. Food is very affordable in Taipei as well. The major expense were the drug and procedure (ER & ET) cost. The doctor consultations and ultrasounds are very cheap, approximately CA$15 per visit.

Overall, I had a perfect IVF cycle but just didn't get pregnant...haha...may be better luck next time?! :) I am thinking of my dad now who is capable of laughing at life's worst situations. He has such a positive personality, never failing to get up when he stumbles and falls. I think I am starting to live life as he does. Enjoying life's every moment because we never know when God will call. We live only once. Not sure if there is an after life and reincarnation. If there is, we don't know if we will be born again as humans. There are so many life forms on earth and the universe is so vast and infinite. Hard to believe there is no life beyond our galaxy! So let's not let life beat us down. We need to savor life's every moment and do the things that makes us happy (as long as it is moral and ethical).

Cheers!

Post-IVF - Thoughts and emotions

At the start of this IVF journey, I kept thinking about how low and depressed I will feel if the cycle did not work. All the time, money and energy spent. All the daily injections, ultrasounds and hospital visits. The expectations and the hurdles every step of the way. Surprisingly, I did not expect myself to come out of this a happier person! I am so glad I went through this IVF treatment because I was so depressed everyday and every month before the treatment. I am now happy and calm, not angry and living everyday with joy and laughter. I don't cry anymore before I sleep and whenever I think of my niece and nephews. I don't cry anymore when I see my friends' facebook updates on their pregnancy or their newborns. I take it in my stride now to hear good news of friends' or friends of friends' pregnancies. Even watching dramas on tv make me laugh and not cry. Thanks to the decision to undergo IVF, my depression is gone! I haven't felt like this in years and it feels so rejuvenating! I didn't realize I have been depressed for so long! Now the gloom has lifted and it feels like a brand new me! I am so glad I made the trip to Taipei!

I realized that what we need and what we desire can be two different things. Getting pregnant had become an obsession. We 21st century women are so used to being in control and getting what we want. So far in life, as long as we work hard for it, nothing has been unachieveable. However getting pregnant doesn't work that way. Even if we work hard for it, we may not achieve pregnancy hence getting pregnant becomes an obsession. True we all want to start a family however it is not absolute - meaning we can still be happy even if we don't have kids. Life doesn't have to stop and standstill for us if we have trouble getting pregnant. To let our whole mind revolve around this "want" is torturing ourselves! We don't need this depression! We can be happy with or without kids. The key is enjoying the journey and if we tried our best, there should be no regrets!

For me, this is the best time of my life so far. I don't need to work and can sleep in all I want, do the things that make me/us happy. My husband has been supportive all the way. Although he yearns for a baby but he is very rational and knows that this is not something that can be forced to happen and it is all up God Almighty. "At least we tried" is what he keeps reminding me and "No regrets because we tried already". My in-laws are also very supportive so no pressure there as well.

Life is too short to live in depression. Enjoy every moment of it (with or without kids)! We came into this world empty handed. We will leave empty handed. There is nothing in life that we can't absolutely live without. The breath of life is free. Other than that, food and water is in abundance in this present day world. Any one reading this right now would have access to the internet which means they are living the good life. There are so many people out there where reproduction is least of their worries and keeping the stomach full is top most priority. Feel content and be happy!The only person who is most capable of loving/destroying ourselves is our own selves! Love thyself as God loves you! If you are going through IVF, just enjoy the process - doesn't matter the outcome - love yourself and be good to yourself!

I love you and wish you all the best!

Goodbye Taipei for now

The following Monday we went to consult Dr. Lee again. As DH did not want me to have another simulated/medicated cycle, so we had decided on doing a natural cycle FET. We told the doctor that we will do a natural cycle FET however not after a month's rest. We will do it most likely next year as we had to go back to Toronto at the moment. He gave us another follicle monitoring sheet and asked us to return to do the ultrasound before consulting him when we were back in Taipei. I will be almost 36 years old next year. Hopefully, we have made the right decision.

Day 27 (9DPT) - Beta HCG blood test and consultation with Dr. Lee

We woke up early and arrived at the hospital at 7:10 am. After we arrived, we went to the blood test clinic on the 1F and used one of the machines to scan the barcode on the appointment slip. The machine assigned us a number and when it was my turn, I went to the counter to have my blood drawn. My heart was pretty heavy at this point as I was still spotting. We were done by 7:30 am. We then went and had breakfast at the nearby Starbucks. DH comforted me by saying that even if the blood test is a BFN, it is okay as it is illogical to fret over something we never had in the first place. He also said that all that mattered was "at least we tried". I was rather calm having come to terms with the fact that it may be a BFN. We went back to the clinic at 9:30 am. When it was my turn to see Dr. Lee, I was called and I noticed my bHCG result on the computer screen. It was a mere 4.8 miu/ml. Dr. Lee advised us of the bHCG test result and told us that it means I wasn't pregnant. To my surprise, I took it pretty well. No tears and not getting emotional at all. My voice was normal and steady. He then asked us when we will like to do an FET. He said he could do a DET as well however will still advise us against it and to have an SET instead. As mentioned earlier in my blog, Dr. Lee has a conservative approach. He advised us the risks of having twins in case both blastocysts implants and asked us to have patience in the IVF process. We have the patience just not the time to stay in Taipei for so long. We asked Dr. Lee to give us the weekend to think over things a bit and we will return for consultation the following Monday. Also I asked him if the FET will work as the remaining blasts were of a lower grade than the 4AA that was transferred this time. He smiled and said that grades are assigned by the embryologist however it doesn't mean that a grade BB blast will be unsuccessful . After that we left the hospital and went to have Teppanyaki :) I did shed some tears later that day but DH and everyone else was pretty supportive. It didn't matter anymore if it didn't work this time around. It doesn't mean the next time won't work!! Just as DH said we did our best and if it didn't work, it may not be our turn yet to be parents. This is not the end, it is just the beginning! =) All is not lost. I made a mental note to be extra good to myself cause I know that in this world, no one can care more about me than myself!